Bob Ney, Victim

Yes--maybe even hero.

Former Representative Ney (R-OH) was sentenced to 30 months in federal prison today for taking bribes from Jack Abramoff and from Syrian-born Cypriot businessman businessman Fouad al-Zayat, and for lying about it all.

Ney expressed his remorse, shame and personal responsibility--or rather, tried to sound remorseful, ashamed, and responsible... But consider the subterfuge in his statement, in which he referred to his drinking habit:

"I will continue to take full responsibility, accept the consequences and battle the demons of addiction that are within me."

He could have just said "continue to battle addiction." By sneaking those "demons" in there, however, he created outside beings--agents of Satan, no doubt--who are really repsonsible for the whole affair. Ney is battling demons. Maybe even the Big D Himself. He's battling bad guys. Ergo...he's a good guy, really. Just another innocent victim.

Today's AP story reminds us of White House spokesman Tony Snow's statement at the time of Ney's guilty plea: Ney's criminal activity "is not a reflection of the Republican Party." Tsk tsk....So defensive. Who said it was a reflection of the Republican Party? Besides me and everyone else across the land who knows anything at all about anything whatsoever?

*     *     *

My newest book, The Quotable Atheist is now widely available, thus reducing considerably your stock of excuses for not buying it (in large quantities). (Click on large red rectangle in right-hand column, which is a fragment of the cover image, which I was unable to reduce in size due to technological idiocy. [Mine, obviously.]) You must also promise to tell everyone you know. About the most entertaining and edifying anti-religious book ever written.

So you'll do that, right?

Comments

[Lou Jobin]

Dear Mr Huberman,
I am the founder of the Delmarva Humanists.org Hope you check it out particularly the section, "The Wisdom Of George W. Bush. I am enjoying your book, The Quotable Atheist, and would like to include more details about the Bush statement on page viii that it is impossible for non-christians to enter heaven. You might also look at the article, "Pope Abolishes Limbo" my current favorite. I welcome any thoughts.

Sincerely
Lou Jobin
Ljobin@mchsi.com

Dear Jack,

Remember when George C. Scott as Patton looks out over the battlefield where he has just wiped out a whole division of Panzer Tanks...and he grins a little, then yells, "Rommel, you son of a bitch, I READ YOUR BOOK!

I feel like doing the same with "The Quotable Atheist.

Following is a response I sent to JTA the global Jewish Press who held a conference in Utah at which many, many "professionals", rabbis, professors, lawyers...big men in the Jewish community attended. The subject of the conclave was "Why Be Jewish".

You inspired me to make this response: (Read on, I hope!}

Before you ask "why be Jewish>" Perhaps one may want to consider "why believe in God?" There are plenty of "ones" out there.

Ani ma-amin. The thirteen principles of faith were drilled, (no, hammered is better) into my head almost 75 years ago by a Rabbi who loved Torah, loved Judaism, loved Palestine and loved me... as long as I could recite the Thirteen Principles of Faith.

Those were the Bar-Mitzvah days of real Haftorah study, of authentic trop for Shabbat and all the Yom Tovim. The days long before the caterers, the ear-splitting combos, the inevitable cold greasy chicken, tasteless cold vegetables and the pareve fruitcup. Not to forget the sickening "happy barmitzvah to you....sung over the cutting of a mass-produced cake of many colors and equally sickening icing, led by an almost-middle-aged overly made-up wife of the caterer .

When I was a kid in the 1930's, I didn't have to think about "Why Be Jewish". Either I went to Shul, davened at home...or got "killed". I KNEW I was Jewish!
And on the way home from The Talmud Torah when we kids were jumped by a gang of young Canadian Nazi Bundists, that fact was more than paranthetically impressed on us. (Hey, Teddy, have you got your bat? I've got a pocket full of rocks!....)

As I grew older and saw the type of restricted lives some of my young friends lived , under their priests and nuns and pastors and ministers, and compared that to the the family chains of Leviticus in my own life, (M'tpr nit! M'tor nit!) I wondered way back then not only "Why be Jewish?, but "Why be Anything?" "Have you got on your 'abberkanfuss' ????? Yes Ma! (Oh boy, I've got Gym today...watch out in the locker room!)

In the aftermath of WWII II I didn't believe "with perfect faith" anymore. Not only the Holocaust destroyed that for me, but the actions of the God in the Torah, the killings, the curses on the peoples, the destruction of the "wicked" which included innocent women and little babies. (there just had to be innocent women and children in Sodom and Gomorrah) Sure, God was always triumphant and glorious... in Biblical myth and mystery. And where was our God of mercy... the benificent Transcendentalist ...not only in the barracks and the ovens of the Holocaust but on the bombing raids on London and Coventry, Pearl Harbor and Wake Island? Yes, and even Schweinfurt and Poelesti. So God "answered" our prayer, L'shana Habo B'Y'rushalayim and thousands upon thousands of gallons of blood, Jewish, Arab, British, Egyptian, Lebanese and on and on watered the ground of the piece of earth we call "Holy". The tragedy: EVERYBODY calls it Holy and will KILL to hang on to it.

The question, Gentlemen of the Liturgical Jury and Members of the Million-Dollar Contributors- to-Israel Club; The Pushke-Collectors (trees for Palestine) of the Old JNF; the now Aged Men of the Young Judea..the question around the conclave over the chopped herring, schnapps and kichels could well be "Why Believe in God?" as precedent to "Why Be Jewish. (If indeed you are out there YHV..., forgive me!....especially for the pennies I used to shake out of the "pushke" to buy a soft pretzel and a two-cent water ice. But the vendor's name was Herman)

For over 50 years I have been privileged to stand before the open Ark on Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur and gaze in never-failing awe at the collection of beautifully wrapped Torahs...and the opening word "Hineni", never fails to stick in my throat, causing almost a sob..as I ask the "someone out there" who, in spite of all the scientific evidence or lack of it to the contrary, i am supposed to believe in; I always ask not to judge the people in the congregation by my sins. Sins? I may be a sinner because I doubt...because I am still not sure whether the story of Eve and the apple, the serpent and all that stuff in the Garden of Eden is not akin to the elaborate tale of Jack and the Beanstalk I was studying at the same time. (I asked that question of my teacher in Cheder when I was about ten years old and he almost twisted my ear off. I also asked that chasid why the Sh'ma says "......the Lord our God...the Lord is ONE ". Why do some other kids have more than one? My friend Albert told me has THREE Gods. That query caught me on the side of the head. About thirty-five years later, my eldest son caught one also for asking a similar question, only this time it was a lady chasid from Israel who did not speak English. Gotta look it up....what is the feminine for "chasid"?

But anyway, I continued to chant "Hineni" with real meaning and feeling. For if I didn't, my mother would kill me.

Why be Jewish????????? BECAUSE YOUR MOTHER SAID SO!

Yasher Kochacha!

With all due respect

Lionel Croll
Retired Cantor for the Holidays
Lately of Lake Placid Synagogue

[Jack Taylor]

Dear Mr. Huberman,
I am enjoying The Quotable Athiest, but I have a question about the quote from King David. It is attributed to Psalms, 5:4-10, but when I looked it up, the verse was different. Is it from the bible?
I've enjoyed your books,
Jack Taylor

[Ray G Bartholomew]

Dear Mr. Huberman:

I recently purchased your book "The Quotable Atheist" and it enthralls me no end. Your research must have been formidable and fun. Your sardonic humor tells me you must be impossible to live with. lol. I was born an atheist, (aren't we all) and have questioned my non-belief all of my 77 years because my intellect is somewhere between Joe The Plumber and Plato. Thank you for showing me i walk in the shadow of some great minds. Your book inspired me to conceive this quote, hope you like it. "There is no retribution in Death. My angst is knowing my doubtless christian friends will never know I was right."

Gratefully,

[Matt Thomasiki]

Jack in your 101 people book, there seems to be almost a complete absence of factual information and just a lot of personal jabs and sarcastic comments. Why is that? One particular section gives credit to Rush Limbaugh as having the most popular radio show in history. Why do you think that is Jack?

I'll tell you why. Because America is a right leaning, Judeo-Christian nation. Views such as yours are not mainstream Jack, they are RADICAL. You don't focus on facts because you have none to focus on. All you have is your jaded, gay man's sarcasm and a mild form of mental illness. Well Jack neither one moves people.

The truth moves people Jack. Why don't you give it a try?

[Leo]

Another quote:
“A person who believes in the Easter Bunny is only half as insane as one who believes in God…..at least the one who believes in the Easter Bunny has proof that it’s half true.”

L. Shaw

[Sadhu Binning]

Dear Jack Huberman,
I am interested in translating some of the quotes from your book - Quotable Atheist into my language - Punjabi. Punjabi is spoken in the Northern state of Punjab in India. Please let me know if it is okay with you to do so. Thanks.
Sadhu Binning