Well to the Left Of Attila The Hun (W.LOATH):Jack Huberman’s Blog

Burn the evidence!

Although a delay has been won, Ohio Secretary of State Kenneth Blackwell, the Katherine Harris of 2004, understandably remains in a big rush to destroy the paper ballots from the 2004 presidential vote in Ohio, which he supervised to Harrisesque perfection.

Surprise surprise, preliminary results from ballot inspections "show signs of more widespread irregularities than previously known," the NY Times reports.

Only similar pressure from critics persuaded Florida to preserve the paper records of the 2000 election.

I don't how they determined this, but a March 2005 report by the Democratic National Committee said 2 percent of the Ohio electorate, or "approximately 129,543 voters," had intended to vote but did not do so because of long lines and other problems at polling stations, but that those votes, if cast, "would not have erased Bush’s 118,000 vote margin in the state." It was mostly African-Americans (strangely enough) who were affected by the polling station problems; and nationwide, Kerry got 89% of African-American votes. Do the arithmetic. It's pretty close.

But whether GOP shenanigans made the difference in the end or not, it would be helpful to know just how hard they tried.

Good and pissed

Taxpayers Pick Up Tab as Bush Campaigns for GOP

That's right.

Political campaigns in the United States are financed almost entirely with money raised by the candidates, their supporters and their political parties. President George W. Bush is showing how a sitting president can use public money to raise millions for his party's candidates.

For some reason, nothing--not the Iraq war, not the giveaways to oil companies--has made me want to evade paying my income taxes as much as this has. You know? Forcing us to pay not just for their policies but for their election campaigns?

But have I come back to earth, I mean, to the blogosphere, after a prolonged absence in order to depress and anger you? Well, yes.

I hear Jack Huberman's going to have a new book out in December or thereabouts. I so look forward to his books. My desert island books would include all of his, Shakespeare's complete works, and that's it. Actually, as a quasi-obsessive list-maker, why have I never listed my desert island books?  I'll get on it.

"A book should serve as the ax for the frozen sea within us."--Franz Kafka

"In the Soviet Union, capitalism triumphed over communism. In this country, capitalism triumphed over democracy."--Fran Lebowitz

"For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier...I put them in the same room and let them fight it out."--Steven Wright

"When there are too many policemen, there can be no liberty. When there are too many soldiers, there can be no peace. When there are too many lawyers, there can be no justice."--Lin Yutang

Passing thoughts, vexing questions and exciting news

The universe is full of life forms that look, and are, just like us, except there’s something weird about their foreheads.

When we (non-physicists) think about the Big Bang, we visualize the "explosion" as an expanding sphere of space-time containing all that is. In other words, we picture it as though we were observing from outside of space-time—something maybe God could do, but no mortal observer. So, insofar as I'm working on the problem (yes, yes, Dr. Hawking, I'll get back to you as soon as I can), I'm trying to imagine it from inside the damn thing.

By the way, I'm also developing a new religion. Jesus, why should I be the only one not doing so? Over the past decade or two we’ve welcomed to the fold Bobby Henderson's Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, Carl Sagan's Invisible Green Dragon, the Invisible Pink Unicorn, Shatnerology…Anyway, I should begin taking applications for high ecclesiastical positions within a few months. It'll be a Godless and monsterless religion, but no less inspirational or nourishing then those of false gods like the Spaghetti Monster. (Indeed, wait till you taste our gourmet Communion wafers!)

On a related matter: If it were today—well, it is today, obviously, so what I mean is, if the Apollo space program were under way today, would anyone but an evangelical Christian be allowed to be the first person to set foot on the moon? And would Neil Armstong have been allowed not to mention God in his foot-setting statement?

Where but in Beowulf could you find a word like "undoomed" (unfaegne)? (As in, "Fate often saves an undoomed warrior when his courage endures.")

Speaking of unfaegne warriors: Instead of Bush having to add all those signing statements to the bills he signs, deal with pesky members of Congress, get court warrants for spying on Americans, leave office in 2008, and so on…couldn't Congress just pass an enabling act, like the Reichstag did in 1933?

Is there any doubt whatsoever that "vegans" like being called "vegans" because it makes them sound like beings from a far more advanced civilization elsewhere in the galaxy?

Fucking Deadwood

I was watching the HBO western series Fucking Deadwood the other night, and I'm just wondering, did people in the Old West really say "fuck" twice per sentence? If so, then, fine. If not, well, WTF?

NO!! NOOOOO!!!!!

U.S. GENERALS SEE POSSIBILITY OF CIVIL WAR IN IRAQ!!!

"There was nobody in our government…that could envision [terrorists] flying airplanes into buildings."--GeorgeW. Bush. No, I suppose not in your government…

OK, look...

...I'm really sorry, but the world's most beautiful tits are those of actress Eva Green, and she is--how shall I put it?--naked for 67.4% of the duration of the 2003 film The Dreamers (directed by Bernardo Bertolucci, who described her as "so beautiful it's indecent"--and indeed, it's not only her tits; very far from it). (I can't tell you whether the film has any other merits because frankly, my dear, I didn't notice.)

This blog aims to be uplifting. And it will not compromise, weaken, wilt, soften, or fall down on the job as it pursues that noble end.

Showing His "Passion" Again

Ask yourself this. If Osama bin Laden's name could be written in on ballots in our presidential elections, would he have received more votes (a) before 9/11 or (b) after?

The correct answer is of course (b). Illustrating what? That in our politics and culture, celebrity and success are the key to, well, celebrity and success, regardless of how the celebrity and success are achieved. (What talk show host on the planet would turn down Osama—or, for that matter, Hitler, if he were alive—as a guest? ... Which puts me in mind of Jon Stewart’s immortal spoof of a Larry King interview with Hitler. "And what's next for Adolf Hitler?" "Well I'll be doing Politically Incorrect next Thursday…" [I would have used Katie Couric rather than King--but, same difference.])

So, I think Mel Gibson's career will not only not be hurt for long, it'll benefit. He'll go on the talk shows and talk about the agonizing soul-searching he's doing (poor guy… Just as with the whole Passion controversy, the subtext will be that he's the victim, he's the one suffering...and the sub-subtext will be that that's what the Jews do—go around laying guilt trips on everyone). He'll come of it more visible, more famous, more bankable, more sympathized with (excuse the clumsy wording), and more anti-Semitic than before.

From a Reuters story: "But his comments surprised few in Hollywood, which two years ago wondered whether Gibson 'would ever eat lunch in this town again' for making 'The Passion of the Christ,' a film that triggered debate over whether it was anti-Jewish before it opened. Once in theaters, 'Passion' became a runaway hit and Gibson was back at the top of Hollywood filmmakers. …. Film historian David Thomson said Gibson has 'been stepping over the line for several years. But the key thing is that he makes money for people and he will not only continue to eat lunch in this town but he will buy lunch.'"

By the way: How come, unlike in the movies, there's never a cliff, steep hillside, or lake handy when I need to get rid of a car (with or without a body in it)?